Whodunnit?
by Leopardstorm
Summary: Who stole all of the cake? Terrible journeys, shortage of cake and a Cake-aholics Anonymous group can only mean one thing: MADNESS! R&R bitte...
1. CAKE!

Story no 12 from Leopardstorm! Someone has stolen all of the Victoria Sponge Cake, and it is up to the remaining four of the original travellers (plus one) to get them off the addiction? Easy? I don't think so...

**Please read and review!!**

**Lots of happy smiles,**

**Leopardstorm**

**Chapter 1 – Cake!!!**

There was not a thing wrong in the ThunderClan camp. That's if you don't include the Grand Theft Auto noises from the nursery and the groaning from the apprentice's den, but that's another story, children. No, in the ThunderClan camp there wasn't a leaf out of place, a bird out of tune, a cloud too grey, a kitten too –

"WHERE'S ALL THE CAKE GONE!!!" came a monstrous roar from the ShadowClan camp. Out of sheer coincidence, a lamppost fell from the sky, telling everybody that there was no cake left. There was marching, like the over-exaggerated enhanced sound they put in army films to make you feel terrified.

"Stop playing those records!" Mousefur yelled to Briarpaw, who hid her record player sheepishly. Suddenly, Blackstar, Mistystar and Onestar flew into the hollow via jetpacks.

"Someone's stolen all of the Victoria Sponge Cakes!" Mistystar announced angrily.

"And now I can't have that Bring & Buy sale I was due to have with Midnight!" Longtail wailed.

"Not the Bring & Buy!?" Blackstar broke down in front of the congregation, but soon came to his senses and put his menacing face on. "I still want that Ming vase…" he growled.

"We still have jelly!" Firestar looked doubtful. Suddenly a huge fight broke out using Bazookas (except it was the wart cream, not the gun) and playing cards.

"Kiss my royal flush!" Russetfur yowled as she cut her victim into a paper-chain.

"BAZUKA THAT VARRUKA!" Sedgewhisker sprinted into Dustpelt and sprayed him with wart cream. They both immediately turned into comb-flavoured ice cream.

"STOP!" Brambleclaw yelled from the top of Highrock. "I'll go to ASDA-Walmart and buy some more Victoria Sponge!"

A murmur of cake filled thoughts rumbled through the camp. 

"I will take three other people. Who wants to go?" Brambleclaw scanned the camp.

"I need some more tikka masala sauce for my famous tikka frog stew. I'll come!" Tawnypelt waved her tail and joined Brambleclaw at the top of the Highrock.

"I'd rather go out than stay in WindClan without cake. I suppose I will have to come to save my ears from being clawed off." Crowfeather sneezed nonchalantly and climbed up the Highrock.

"Is that it? Does anyone want anything from the cake aisle? Anyone need washing up liquid? Anyone?" Brambleclaw looked desperate for company, since he had already travelled with these insolent cats and it cost him two chocolate mice and twelve pounds seventy nine pence. Brambleclaw sighed. "Okay, let's go…" 

The journey to ASDA was even more arduous than the trip to the sun-drown-place. It consisted of a trip through downtown ShadowClan, then the pit of Shopping Trolleys and then finally the swamp of Ambrosia custard. Just the trip made everyone think about custard (except Bluestar, who was thinking about facial hair, but that's again another story, children).

The foursome had barely got out of the camp when a yowl sounded from the hollow. It sounded as though they had started fighting again.

"Not our problem," Crowfeather sniffed. "Come on, give me cake you greedy baboon!"

"What's a baboon?" Tawnypelt asked smugly.

"I don't know…could be a thing that Twolegs use to massage their paws…I'm not a Twoleg-cat translator! They have them in ASDA!" Crowfeather was decidedly annoyed after that comment. The cats second voyage is going to be much more scarier than the first (Chuck Norris, get back in the box!).

I know it's short…think of this as a prologue! Please remember to review; it will spur me on to write more for you!Happy UK Mother's Day!

**  
Leopardstorm!**


	2. The Horrible & Terrible & Evil Journey

**Chapter II of Whodunnit. **

**Lolcatsrule: You have most probably seen comb-flavoured ice cream from SpongeBob: Altantis Squarepantis, where they change a comb into ice-cream. **

**Tanglestalker: I was looking for good stories, so I may well have been.**

**Loststream: Really?**

**Laughing Rain: Woop for bored lunatics!!!!!!!! This reminds me of the time I saw Oakheart and Redtail start mating with each other behind a massive supermarket trolley, but that's another story, children. :P**

**Remember to read and review!**

**Leopardstorm!**

**PS – The PoV is my own!!! :P**

Chapter 2 – The Horrible and Terrible and Evil Journey Part I

The mission was the most arduous, fearful and tasty journey since Daisy had lost her tail and StarClan summoned three hedgehogs to go find it. They failed, instead coming home with some paperclips and a pile of jacks.

"So, to recap, we have to go through downtown ShadowClan, then the pit of shopping trolleys and then the swamp of custard.

"FACIAL HAIR!" Bluestar yowled from the sky.

"To the corner for you!" I opened a hole in the sky and threw her in 'the corner of annoying six-year-olds'.

Suddenly, there was panting in the distance, coming in the direction of ThunderClan. Now I know what you're thinking, _this is a T-rated fiction, and that this sort of 'panting' isn't allowed here. _Well, I'm happy to announce that it is a different sort of pant.

"Squirrelflight?" Crowfeather mouthed.

"Yes, it's me. I nearly died!" Squirrelflight replied, capturing the attention of the rest of the cats.

"Did I just hear a mouse?" Brambleclaw asked pointedly.

"…Yes, I did, in fact…" Crowfeather looked him stupidly.

"Now, Tawnypelt, how do we get through Downtown ShadowClan?" Brambleclaw had put a surgeon's apron on, since it was 'Dress Up To Look Stupid Day' and he was the only cat who had remembered.

"You're not gonna get far wearing that," Tawnypelt stifled a laugh. "But we have to go past Pines Square, Mt. Bushmore, the Plaice Needle and the Golden Mate Bridge…I think the person who designed that was high at the time…"

"We're gonna die, aren't we?" Crowfeather wailed. "I couldn't even scare a can of deodorant. And I'd rather not talk about that time at the swimming pool…"

"Well, you brought it up," Crowfeather's alter ego, Rehtaefworc mumbled casually.

"You're not allowed out of the toy box until chapter 6!" I growled as I poked a vacuum up his nose so he threw up TV remotes until he turned into a mass of body hair. "He'll be fine…" I told the others, brimming with false confidence.

"Well, here we are. Pines Square!" Tawnypelt interrupted and changed the subject.

"It's not what I thought it was…" Crowfeather came back from his foetal position and stuck an earbud in his ear. There were high-rise advertisements and flashing neon lights. Underneath there was Russetfur with a bazooka, but other than that, everything was dandy.

"Grr!" Russetfur growled. "Come get some Russetfur, Leopardstorm!"

"No thanks," I went back to rubbing the windowsill with a goose's intestinal pipe.

"Just keep walking…" Tawnypelt a packet of extra-soft Latex gloves and carried on.

"On to Mt. Bushmore…it's ingenious, but I'm not sure I like the carving of Tigerstar's stomach…just be careful of the pickpocketers…" Tawnypelt passed a group of tourists taking snapshots of the carving of Nightstar's nasal hair.

"Eugh." Brambleclaw lifted his surgeon's mask in front of his eyes and subsequently walked into a tourist.

"I say!" the tabby tourist said.

"Come on Leafstar, let's go make out behind Shadowstar's butt…" the ginger one replied sexily.

"Go on then, Sharpclaw," Leafstar looked 'in the mood' to say the least.

"Can I watch?" Tigerstar jumped out of my Chat Room Warriors story and into this one (my mistake).

"Sure!" Sharpclaw looked delighted at Hawkfrost's request, but I was sure that I heard Hawkfrost from the Dark Forest shout, "PERVERT!"

Shrugging, Tawnypelt swept through the tourists and down towards the Plaice Needle.

"This is the tallest building in downtown ShadowClan…" Tawnypelt looked as though she didn't want to anywhere near it.

"Why do you look so nervous?" Brambleclaw trailed off toward the end.

Tawnypelt gulped. "Because…it makes you…excited…if you know what I mean…"

Suddenly, Dovepaw came up to the travelling cats with a goat and a duvet cover.

"Can I go in the Plaice Needle? Pretty please?" she was bursting to go.

"Well…don't say I didn't warn you…" Tawnypelt was still looking at the goat with wide eyes. I couldn't tell if it was love or not…

Dovepaw burst into the Plaice Needle (made entirely of fish!) and out again. When she came out, she had…mounted the goat and the duvet and was caressing them both, then the goat reacted and turned her over and…eugh, I'm not gonna write that. Or that. That's not going in either. How can a duvet cover do that?!

Anyway, Dovepaw was very excited, which was the reason why they ran as quickly as they could to the Golden Mate Bridge. Unfortunately, since this is a T-rated fic, I cannot describe what was going here. Let's just say that the cats were scarred for life, and that the images of skunk and giraffe locked together like that will never leave the poor souls' minds for as long as they live.

"We made it," Brambleclaw gasped. "Who could have thought the giraffes could groan like that."

"Right." Tawnypelt put her leather jacket back on and towards the pit of shopping trolleys.

Wait, what did say about a leather jacket?

**So that's chapter 2. I don't know how good it is…but we'll see. **

**Happy reading,**

**Leopardstorm. **


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